It started with a pink pair of shoes. A friend had given me a pair of sneakers to wear and while it was out of my usual colour choice – I ended up wearing it to my first day at my now former job. Colour has never really been a part of my wardrobe, I usually gravitate towards more neutral tones, but a pandemic will put life into perspective for you overall.

And as I introduced more colourful items into my life, it kinda seeped right back into my actual life too. Tara Marzuki (aka @tarmarz), one of my favourite Youtubers, put it so perfectly. We’ve been cooped up in our homes, dealing with loss across across spectrums and finally we’re outside – it’s time to have lightheartedness enter our spaces. Colour is a way to do that.

But mainly, I’ve had a lot of shifts happen in my life. I’ve changed jobs thrice in less than a year, and while I don’t necessarily recommend that to everyone – it’s made sense in my own journey. But more on that in another post.

What’s been way more important is that I actually feel like the version of myself I’ve always deserved to be. Turning 30 has been an affirming and really wild experience but filled with what I need.

The biggest lesson I’ve learnt is that life will happen as it’s needs to not as you want it.

And since the start of the year, it feels like the fog has lifted. I’ve started reading again and actually finishing long overdue books on my list. I’ve been cleaning and re-imagining my space. There are moments where I feel incredibly grateful and mildly overwhelmed by the goodness in my life. There are also times when it hits me that this year has taken so much from me.

But mostly, I feel like I am no longer running towards my goals, but the abundance is coming to me.

This week, the pink shoes broke (split right down the sole) and I had to toss them out. But ultimately, it wasn’t really about a lucky talisman but being open to fun, lightness and joy in my life. Colour in all forms, joy and whatever that is to me.

I’m no longer burying versions of myself. And I hope I no longer have to.

x A

Photo by XiaoXiao Sun on Unsplash