See Yourself Out, 2015

This year has been a trip.

Anyone who I’ve spoken to has agreed or simply just sighed.

That’s an accurate way to describe it – one big long-winded sigh. It felt like 2015 was a boardroom meeting that refused to end.

I’ve lost friends (or left them behind), found (some) success in the workplace, continue to work with a team I can call my friends and fallen in love.

Some of these things I really thought could never happen, ever.

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And with the highs came the unbelievable lows. Grief never really loosens its grip on you, hey? It’s been a year filled with tears, despair and so much more.

I’ve learnt how to say no to people and also how to protect my space by not letting my kindness be a conduit for whack energy to enter my life. And also being retrospective in the way I’ve hurt people and been in the wrong, myself.

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I’ve also realised how much my political viewpoint/social justice influence the kind of people I want to be around. Being conscious about the world and the many movements in it is a part of my daily life. I  truly enjoy engaging  with people it’s just that I can’t really roll with  blatant ig’nance by choice. I did that for five years in high school, I don’t have to at the ripe ol’ age of 24.

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That being said, I’m in state of constantly learning and unlearning, checking myself and my friends (at times). We all misstep from time to time, and I trust the people around me to tell me “you’re wrong” first.

I’m hella proud of the fact that I’ve met some interesting and inspiring people, while doing volunteer work that makes me happy.

This time last year, we barely had a place to stay and I was living out of a suitcase. Now we finally have all our stuff from the Bay and the flat looks like a little bit of home. My old home.

And as I write this I’ve just dropped off my very last donation goodies at St Anne’s Home in Woodstock.

The littlest idea I had a year ago has resulted in about sixty five to seventy bags/boxes of stuff sent to St. Anne’s and The Haven in Green Point.

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I started off with the former because they gave shelter to abused women and their children – a cause close to my heart. I didn’t know how close it was going to mimic my own life.

In the last few months, I’ve been subjected and exposed to emotionally/physically abusive relationships in my living space. My mom’s ex has harassed us from around October. It’s likely we will have to move flats because of it. We’re fortunate because we both have jobs and are able to afford relocating to another place. It still sucks to finally feel settled but have your life disrupted by someone who is completely unstable.

Other women are not so lucky.

So, 2015 you need to leave. You’re like the unwelcome guest who was cool but now I don’t want you around anymore.

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In 2016, I want to get my license (lol, like finally), frame my gotdamn degree and start taking care of myself. I haven’t treated myself too kindly recently so I want to amend that.

And most of all,  I cling to the hope that it will be better than before all this.

I have to.

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